so you think you know it all

Creating a world our hearts tell us is possible

2011-11-25T09:15:00.001+02:00

I believe we did move the planet today

2011-09-24T20:39:00.000+03:00

2011-09-07T17:44:00.000+03:00

there are those songs you can listen over and over again.
there is this something that captures you, that hypnotizes, that almost makes your heartbeat stop.
the melody that melts right in your blood.
or the beat that feels like your very own.
or maybe the lyrics that remind you of your own life with all it's ups and downs, and everything in between.

whatever it is, it's kinds of... yours.

this is one of those. songs.

2011-09-01T13:01:00.001+03:00

this upside down feeling.

this upside down look that the world stares at you with.

challenging you, and asking - will you bear with me?

when everyone moves back in the city, all you want is to get away.

when you are supposed to feel guilty, you feel liberated and free.

when those round you start being on the go again, you catch yourself slowing down.

darkness turns in the light, and thoughts turn in imaginary soap bubbles, and words become an unnecessary weight on your lips.

because what speaks to you most cannot be captured in words.

words were never supposed to be able to carry life.

turn off the light. put this full screen. all you want is somewhere in you.

fragile me fragile you

2011-08-25T15:50:00.002+03:00

2011-08-09T16:30:00.002+03:00

so you think you know it all.
and you have it all nailed down.
and then life kicks you in the guts.
just to remind of that there is a price for arrogance.
and that no one. no one will get away.

so - cheers, life!
we will reap what we sow.

and we grow, we grow

2011-07-19T00:17:00.000+03:00

OLD PINE from Astray Films on Vimeo.

2011-07-13T13:28:00.002+03:00

Photo by Davis Drazdovskis

Hey farmer, farmer put away your DDT
I don't care about spots on my apples
just leave me the birds and the bees - please!

Joni Mitchell, Big Yellow Taxi

2011-06-26T14:13:00.000+03:00

The early bird catches the worm. A stitch in time saves nine. He who hesitates is lost. We can't pretend we haven't been told. We've all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to 'seize the day'. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today's possibility under tomorrow's rug until we can't anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves, like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.

/ Grey's Anatomy, S1E6 /

2011-06-18T17:57:00.002+03:00

1:48am

2011-05-27T01:38:00.002+03:00

feel like writing. it's been a while. those sleepless nights do that to you. they bring up everything that's been hidden away, swept under the carpet, long lost, well forgotten. they remind you why you drink that one glass of wine too much, why you hate weddings and, at the end, why you love life. they whisper in your ear that you're only human and oh so fragile.
and suddenly, while listening those birds outside the window and watching the sun rising up at 4am, you realize that it's alright to be confused and in between and not on the top of everything. there is that short moment when your head is empty and you feel like being very graceful to yourself

and you do that. full on.
because you know that tomorrow's a brand new day when life is going to happen again.

my very own big deal

2011-05-15T22:13:00.006+03:00

because I haven't written anything for a long time.

because this was the most relaxed and laid back yet the most creative week in months.

because when you let things be and flow, they might turn out and in to something very unexpected and beautiful.

because, for once, this was more about the process than a result, and, to my surprise, both turned out to be better than I could ever ask for.

because the concept of taking a piece from this and a piece from that, and putting together, and making something new has always fascinated me beyond words.

because this love has grown in depth and width, and there is no way back.

with this I celebrate that I am a girl. a girl that can build a bike from scratch.

and most likely they are never going to read this anyway,

but I could not have done this without Stass, Gatis & Vitālijs.

thank you boys.

Tur galotnēs ir brīvība tik smalka

2011-05-01T10:35:00.003+03:00

www.fondsviegli.lv

you had me at hello

2011-04-12T11:37:00.000+03:00

TEDxTallinn: Ewert Sundja bändiga The Two Dragons from Tedsterid on Vimeo.

you're looking to the right, but you can't stop your light

2011-04-04T21:49:00.001+03:00

summer is coming, I can hear it

2011-03-07T16:22:00.001+02:00

too many words indeed

2011-02-10T14:50:00.002+02:00

blood never fails

2011-01-14T22:00:00.006+02:00

Where you invest your love, you invest your life

2010-12-28T15:07:00.005+02:00

Breaking all the rules about not rambling too much, and saving the words for the better times, and even knowing that we will be held accountable about every freaking syllable, still, I couldn't resist putting my balance sheet of oh so majestic 2010 together. There is this little something something about the end of the year, and I did gave in to temptation. So here it goes. Ladies and gentlemen, my highlights and my sweet downfalls of 2010.

Music Of The Year/non-Latvian: Mumford and sons

They caught me totally by surprise, to the point that I had to stop while walking down the street and really check twice if what I hear is really what they are singing. For such a long time I hadn't heard such mixture of hope, grace, unpolished vocal, country sounding guitars and indie attitude. Their catchy melodies and dangerously quotable lyrics soaked in faster than fast, and I really do hope that 2011 brings me to their live show some where some how.

Music Of The Year/Latvian: 100 baltas dvēseles

First I heard them in POSITIVUS music festival, and they captured my attention and almost my heart as well on that very moment. Since then they have not left my playlist, bringing back the hope that maybe there are some good things happening in Latvian music, and filling my autumn nights and mornings with fragile and heartfelt melodies.

Event Of The Year: homo ecos:

I can't believe I get to have this job. It has been nothing but creativity, joy and fun, and even in the busiest times I get these waves of the rewarding feeling that I do something that matters. Soon and very soon I will post my "Probably, the best job in the world and 101 reasons why I think like that".
You can find out more in here: www.homoecos.com

Book Of The Year: "THE ELEMENT" by Sir Ken Robinson

This amazing man and his work have brought a great deal of insight, wisdom and hope in the way I think and act, and reading his book on a sunny cliff in Sweden was one of the most enjoyable moments of 2010. He is not only an expert of education, a bright visionary and one of the world's leading minds in education transformation movement, but also a person who delivers his message with the kind humor and wit that makes you wonder if you are watching an educational video or a humor show.

Here is one of his teachings on education, and, believe me, the others are as good or even better.

Trip Of The Year: The One To Denmark

They are like a second family - lovely Thomsens, and amazing Adams. It was so so good to see them, and laugh, and cry, and frolic, and play together. Their capability to love the people around them is incredible. Can't wait to see them again, and again, and again.

Discovery Of The Year: Breakfast Club

When they say "church", you imagine lots of things, but not anything like... this. A cozy home, awesome breakfast, laughing until someone falls off the chair, fireplace, teaching that encourages comments and questions, prayers and worship, and God in the very midst of that.
In the psalms, David sang: "Taste and see that the LORD is good". Sometimes it is not enough with just seeing something. You have to experience it to really know what is it all about. Church is not a building, and it's not an institution. It's a community, and now I've seen and experienced that more than ever before.
More on www.breakfastclub.lv

Movie Of The Year: The Boat That Rocked

Hilarious comedy with a great cast (including a few from "IT crowd" and "Flight Of Conchordes"). You really get a feeling what was living in 60'ies underground music scene all about.

Revelation of The Year: "What good it is for a man to gain the whole world, but to loose his soul instead?"

Be careful with what you love, how much and where you invest your energy. Even the best causes can wear you out, leaving hopeless and empty. Sustainability is a story not only about the world's resources, but about our own inner stuff as well. Do be wise with what you have and how you spend it, and if there is enough left for tomorrow.

***************
So, yes, indeed. Much has been lost, and much has been gained, and even though sometimes it seems you will never be even life, there is one point where it doesn't matter anymore. I will never be able to pay back what I have been given, and the best I can do is to pay it forward. It doesn't make a bad new years resolution, does it?

"Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another".

fast food education?

2010-12-02T10:56:00.000+02:00

2010-11-21T21:49:00.003+02:00

no one is irreplaceable. that's what i've been told.

yet sometimes the ones who vanish from your life, they do leave something behind.
some sort of trace or trail, like a thief who has not been careful enough. they leave a fingerprint here and a thread there, and before you know, you see it all over your place. someone was there, right in the middle of you life, right there where you stood, where you sat, where brewed your morning coffee and left your bright yellow umbrella to dry. and now they're gone. for good.

so what do you do with that?
you embrace it . you celebrate it.
and you move on.
its impossible to restore what has already been.
the only possible reality for you lays ahead. whatever and whomever that may mean.

2010-10-26T10:14:00.000+03:00

one person can make no difference
that's how thousands think

2010-10-13T15:43:00.003+03:00

photos by katrīna bušmane

find 10 differences

2010-08-18T19:39:00.003+03:00

2010-08-11T08:14:00.000+03:00

a dedication to mai and anja

2010-07-26T16:42:00.002+03:00

love you both
smiļģa iela forever :)

2010-07-20T21:25:00.001+03:00

i would love to see that day indeed

2010-07-15T09:52:00.000+03:00

the crossroads of hunderds of moments of joy

2010-05-09T23:10:00.003+03:00

it's so true what they say that joy is something
that happens with you from inside, not outside.
yet, there are those times in life when you
need the "outside" to catalyze the hidden joy.
the one that's been asleep. the one that's been neglected.

in my case, "outside" is almost always the people around me.

so go out there. and be the one who awakens joy in someone else's life.
I'll try to do the same.

i'll see you there.

2010-04-29T16:16:00.001+03:00

2010-04-24T23:07:00.004+03:00

RT @http://liigspot.blogspot.com

(hope you don't mind)

2010-04-22T15:29:00.005+03:00

painting by Latvian artist Una Leitāne

2010-04-21T13:11:00.002+03:00

design by Anatoly Vyalikh
www.anatolyvyalikh.com

2010-04-07T11:42:00.001+03:00

done and done

2010-04-01T20:49:00.002+03:00

happy Easter
design by Anna Vaivare

2010-03-02T22:11:00.001+02:00

do not worry about your life

2010-01-28T23:46:00.002+02:00

Look at the birds of the air;
they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they?

life happened

2010-01-17T20:09:00.002+02:00

2010-01-12T22:47:00.002+02:00

indeed

2010-01-04T21:47:00.003+02:00

i can lay down in green pastures
i have been led beside quiet waters
i have a table prepared before me in the presence of my enemies
my cup overflows
(the full version is here: http://bit.ly/1SSDIq )

illustrations by anna vaivare

2009-12-27T13:14:00.003+02:00

longing for something?

other side of the river

2009-11-14T17:52:00.000+02:00

growing up ain't easy

2009-11-06T19:08:00.001+02:00

here it goes.
the official afterparty.
if you're around, do come by.

once upon a time

2009-11-02T14:16:00.000+02:00

Lord give us our daily bread

2009-10-25T11:05:00.002+02:00

350. be part of it.

2009-10-20T18:08:00.005+03:00

if you care for the world.
this is our chance before the UN summit in Cpenhagen.
24th of october
350.org

m?

2009-10-11T11:38:00.001+03:00

2009-09-16T15:38:00.000+03:00

2009-08-22T21:08:00.003+03:00

statistics

2009-05-02T23:55:00.001+03:00

quote of the month: "you could be a part time model but you would still have to keep your normal job" by "flights of the conchords" season 1 ep 1

tv show of the month: flights of the conchords

hike of the month: the one to cerro cathedral during the easter

bird of the month: condor

coffee of the month (and of the year so far): th one on the early morning somewhere between bariloche and rio gallegos, in the bus station's cafeteria

excitement of the month: getting to climb the boulders on our way back from cerro catedral

the quiet wish of the month: to see some penguins in ushuaia

accomplishment of the month: managing to walk 35km on one day

trees of the month: arrayanes

"the-thing-off-my-neck" of the month: finished and sent in that BS article. i was so so so sick of it.

Chile. sweet, colorful, rough Chile.

2009-05-02T23:39:00.003+03:00

when the fall comes around

2009-05-02T23:16:00.004+03:00

right in the beginning of the fall, when leaves are turining yellow and red and the cold wind blows from all the possible directions. when mountains are covered with the forst snow and you feel like wearing mittens though realizing it would be a bit too warm in them. right then i happened to be in Bariloche - a place surrounded by Andi mountains and the stunning beauty of Patagonia. at first we werent too good of friends, Bariloche and me, but it turned out this love just needs some time.
and right there, on the Easter sunday, with the wind in my hair and sun in my eyes, the Patagonia stole my heart. there was no point in resisting or fighting it off. as it always happens, it just hit me, and from then on... there is one more place on the good old planet Earth that has a piece of my heart.
and, as it usually is with love, you cannot explain it. you just have to come here to see it, letting the Patagonia do the thing it does.

storytellers stuff

2009-04-02T21:55:00.002+03:00

couple of stories my friends and I have gotten on our way through argentina are here:

ywamstorytellers.blogspot.com

it is really cool to see the lives of people being transformed and changed like that.
enjoy.

although pandas are nice...

2009-03-25T00:18:00.004+02:00

...the plants they need to survive ARE NOT! let me tell you why.

so. Liga (the toher latvian girl) and me, we went to climb ta dead volcano yesterday. everything goes well, we hitch-hike to the mountain, start walking, sun is shining. todo bueno. the trouble started when we lost the track in the very beginning of our hike. of course (of course!) it was me who said that we shouldn't go back, trying to find it again. instead, i suggested that we just keep going up off-road. so we do that, and first there are bamboos here and there and i keep saying that i think they look nice and that they are essential for pandas' population in the world blah blah blah. bamboos keep being closer and closer, and we get to a point where we have to squeeze ourselves through the bamboo bushes... i felt like in a movie about war in Vietnam where those american soldiers are trying to defeat their enemies.
we kept fighting with those crazy plants for 2 hours, and at the point where a broken bamboo stabbed in my eyebrow, i got it. the truth just clicked (as it usually does). bamboos ARE NOT these cute plants that you can put in a little glass jar and put on your windowsill. nooooo. bamboos are weeds, very anoying ones, and they are not my friends. period. so now i have a bruise on my eyebrow, and i look like a victim of domestic violence. telling people that i feel off the stairs would sound way more believable than trying to convince them that i was stabbed by a bamboo:)

p.s. we did make it up the volcano by the way. it was spectacular.

upside down kingdom: down south

2009-03-21T15:53:00.004+02:00

there is this thing about deserts. on one hand, it's a place without a life. it's just sun and wind, an incredible emptiness and a stunning silence. a vastness and immensity that makes you rethink things and gives you a new found understanding about the importance of water.

and on the other hand. right there, in the very middle of heat and dust and sun which is about to eat you alive, something new captures you. kind of a feeling of essence of life, something that makes you want to live and breathe and jump and scream. that makes you want to BE and make the best out of the life.
maybe the desert is true not only for Jesus. maybe we all need a desert time to time, a real or an imaginary one, where, stripped out of everything that we hold necessary, essential and needed, we can find some new dimensions and levels of our so called life.

our 7 days in desert, in a small town called Zapala in the Neuqen province of Argentina, have been full of laughing, rest, nature, God, friends, blessings, kindness, late nights, mate, sharing, giving, receiving, walking, sun, castillano (the argentinian spanish) and love. it was so amazing how in the middle of nowehere we found such fullness of life in people and places. we have been loved by people who didnt know us, and we have been loved by God who knows us full well.
it was such a weird feeling - not wanting to leave. i could just stay there - with Jose and Samuel and all their fun friends, and the church, and Gabriella and Roberto... i liked them so much. i felt so much liked by them.

and that made all the difference.

see u later chikos.i have to go and climb a mountain now.

vēl viens mazulīts

2009-03-18T22:11:00.002+02:00

ir tapis blogs, kurā var sekot līdz mūsu kopējajām gaitām argentīnā.

argentinasstasti.blogspot.com

par laimi vai nelaimi, bet šis ir tikai latviski. laimīgu lasīšanu.

* we have made a blog that has bits and pieces of our argentina trip. the adress is argentinasstasti.blogspot.com , and, fortunately or unfortunately, but it is only in latvian (pics are nice though;))

patagonia

2009-03-16T21:35:00.005+02:00

finally i have gotten to the argentina that i like.
to the argentina that blows my mind.
to the argentina that makes me stop and stare.
to the argentina that i know i will fall for no matter how hard i try not to.

and i can't stop thinking - well done god. well done my friend.

pictures by Ingus Jakstiņš

upside down kingdom

2009-03-04T18:44:00.006+02:00

on my way of looking for a place of peace and quiet, and green, and birds in this labyrinth of 12 million people, asphalt, subways and suburbs, I came across this cemetery. i should have thought about it at first place (but oh well, you live and you learn). this place, so huge and wide, surprised me with the richness and fullness of life. a bit absurd and paradoxical indeed that a place that represents the death at its most and biggest can also be so alive and vivid and inspiring. I found more birds and trees and fresh air in there than i saw before in the whole month in the other parts of the city.

and maybe that's how this world actually works. there is life in the very middle of death. there are flowers right on the top of bones long forgotten. there is beauty behind ashes. and there is god putting this broken planet back together. piece by piece by piece.

i love cemeteries. one day i will make the exhibition of all the cemeteries i have seen and taken pictures of all around the world.

Soccer Argentino style

2009-02-27T14:37:00.002+02:00

Went to a soccer game. Riverplate vs. somethingsomething (didn't reall care coz I was in the Riverplate section). experience beyond words. I am not a sports fan but even I was jumping and singing and screaming + laughing all the time because it was so amusing to watch all the fans going absolutely crazy.
Yeah, indeed. It's all about the soccer here.
and - yeah, Riverplate did win. ha!

argentina stuff

2009-02-25T17:26:00.001+02:00

Without any superdeep reflection on how it has been here so far, here are some keywords that have caught my attention in this universe called “Argentina”:

Beunos Aires. Crazy big, 12 million inhabitants, the closest place with some nature is at least 100km any direction (yeah yeah go ahead, google it in google maps:)). But at the same time its colorful and bright and entertaining and fun, there’s raw life there and vivacity far from that you can see in Europe. All the street artists and fairs in the weekends, grand buildings and wooden underground trains, huge parks and lovely cemeteries (islands of peace in the middle of hectic capital life) – it’s all making an incredible endless mixture. I can’t say it I love it or that it’s a must see, but I respect this place for what it is.

Mate. The South American herbal tea that they consume in extraordinary amounts is a thing people in here cannot live without. You can hardly see anyone without his mate cup, a thermos (they bring the hot or cold water with them wherever they go so they can prepare another shot of mate), sugar and yerba which is the actual tea. They drink it from a little cup (that have many different sizes and designs and materials it is made of) from a metal straw, passing it one to each other. Be aware if you do it for the first time coz there are certain unwritten rules you have to know and fallow in order not to offend the one preparing mate (we already have done some serious mistakes that would not be forgiven if we weren’t foreigners)
Mate is so huge in here that they don’t drink any other hot drinks which gives a hard time for people like me who are addicted to coffee. But the whole thing about mate is not about mate actually (something from the story about THIS actually being about THAT) It is about being together, sharing something very basic and common, asi f saying – ok, eveni f i dont know you that well, mate can be one thing we have in common.
And sometimes the best stories are shared exactly there, with a mate cup in your hand.

Siesta. Around noon here everything stops. Life freezes in the sun and heat. Shops close, buses do not go so often anymore, and people go for a nap. It is not possible to work, call it lazy if you will, but I am with them on this – after lunch I go to sleep. It is quite challenging for my western “you have to be effective” soul, but on the other hand – I won’t be the one to give up a nap when I am officially allowed to take it in the middle of the day.

Helado. Ice-cream. The best I have had. Ever. You walk into an ice-cream place, and there are like 40 different flavors to choose from, and you get a head ache from exercising your freedom of choice. Awesome. Plain awesome.

Murga. Something really weird and therefore even more captivating. Murga is like a street carnival but not really, like a parade done by people of all kinds and ages, a huge celebration for low and middle class people. They close the whole street, grab huge drums, dress themselves up in a colorful, clown-like costumes and dance in a line, doing some very “interesting” (I am using this word simply because I cant think of anything else that could describe this better) moves. At times it all together seems almost like something religious, the moves keep repeating and drums go faster and faster… another thing is that all hundreds and hundreds of people who are there are spraying soap foam onto each other, literally. It’s crazy and it’s fun, and we happened to be right in the middle of that.

It’s a different world out here. Don’t come unprepared

behind that raging fire is beauty not ashes

2009-02-11T21:17:00.008+02:00

too tired to write. or think. or tell you THE story.
just look at this.
it is such a different universe out here.
the kind of one i will have to spend months and months of getting to know.
they don't let people in here just like that.
you have to earn some trust.
fair enough.

do i look forward to it?
hell yeah:)

five minute break

2009-02-04T01:40:00.007+02:00

just a quick "hey what's up" before the real thing comes. before i have a good hour and a half to grab a mate, sit down under a palm tree , gather my thoughts and put them on paper. dang, sorry, in a computer (paper is WAY nicer, but it will take a while before you guys can actually read it so... another proof for the "fast food" generation).
DIFFERENT. if there is a one word i would have to narrow this week down to, this would be it. man, its different here. you just go through the day and keep wondering. yes, this is a different continent. yes, this is not going to be the cozy-lozy trip with hanging out and laughing (i havent had such a trip for years). this is going to be stretching and challenging, totally out of any box i have ever been in. but its going to be good.
so yeah. just couple of days more, and i will write a bit more about all the dogs and armadillos, crazy driving and mate, buenos aires and what not. patience is a virtue, as a dear friend once said (yes, rune, it was you). remind me that time to time eh?

tiem, kuri nelasa angliski - palūdziet kādamm,lai iztulko:)

guess what?

2009-01-19T10:43:00.001+02:00

there are so many things that go right each day. right?

go.

2009-01-17T14:40:00.005+02:00

it's been a while eh?

there are times when it is good to choose to be silent. no matter what is going inside and outside of you - let it settle, let it sink in, let it become part of you. you have your whole life time to tell it.
i've learned lately that no matter how skillful you are in writing, no mater how big your experience is or how touched (sometimes) others are by your words, there will be moments when... when all the words on the earth are not going to be enough to say it. say IT. words always are going to be too short, incapable to carry the weight you wish they could. the weight of narrowing the reality down to paper and ink (this case - millions of combinations of 1 and o).

so.

what's next?
where is your life heading?
when was the last time you stopped and stared for a while? it doesnt matter what at. just stopped and stared without a reason.
what do you spend the most time thinking of?
do you use your imagination right?
do you use it at all?
what part does the creativity have in your life?
do you get enough sleep?
who was the last person that made you smile?
who have you recently made to smile?

one of my new year's resolution is to meet a nun. or a monk. and talk to her/him, and get a story about their life. it would be awesome. if i get it, i promise to post it here. i bet it will be something worth telling others.

i'm going to argentina on 27th. so maybe soon and very soon this blog will have some spanish here and there as well:)

adios my dear brothers and sisters.
it's time to live now.

priecājies priecājies dziedi dziedi/ joy has fallen in my eyelashes like snow

2008-12-09T21:33:00.003+02:00

draņķīga diena, kuru nedaudz labāku padarīja gan anetes dziesma par "priecājies priecājies dziedi", gan pati māksliniece un viņas atvase.

dziesmu var noklausīties šeit, tūlīt, tūlīt tā arī iet gaisā radio:
www.klausule.com

es gaidīt gaidu to prieku, kurš sabirst skropstās. pagaidām nav.

************
a lousy day that was a bit lightened up by Anete's song and the fact that i hanged out a bit with her and her lovely kid Kate.

the song is available here: www.klausule.com

the lyrics go something like this:
"white flowers and colors
joy has fallen in my eyelashes like snow
be joyful, be joyful and sing
baby Jesus has been born
Jesus is alive
He was born once, and he is alive.
be joyful, be joyful and sing
like white laughter for you in this birthday
there are white flowers falling from the sky"

i cant wait for that joy she is singing about to fall into my eyelashes like snow. there is still nothing.

reiz dzīvoja/ once upon a time

2008-12-07T20:59:00.003+02:00

hmm. tik dīvaini, kad pavisam negaidīti tavā realitātē izlec pagātne. tāda it kā bezpersoniska un distancēta, pietiekami, lai nevajadzētu saņemt visu drosmi un skatīties acīs. bet tādos brīžos es ieraugu, ka esmu veidota no miljons mirkļiem, cilvēkiem, vietām un notikumiem. es neesmu tikai šeit un tagad. es neesmu tikai tas, ko gribu atcerēties.
jā, man ir daudzas atvilknes, kurām virsu ar lieliem melniem burtiem uzrakstīts: "netaisīt vaļā". bet tas nenozīmē, ka kādu dienu, pārvācoties, man nevajadzēs visu plēst vaļā un šķirot.
tas nenozīmē, ka tas nav bijis.

tāpēc - uzvelkam karogu mastā un burājam tālāk, brāļi un māsas! jūras pietiks visiem, un mani gaida jauni krasti.

p.s. es šodien cepu piparkūkas. bilde gan ir apmēram 2 gadus veca, bet... stāsts šogad ir par to pašu. ciku caku briedīšiem un ska zaķiem.

************
hmmm. it's such a strange feeling when all of a sudden your past pops up right ehre in your today's reality. a distant and impersonal enough not to feel forced to take all your courage and look it in the eyes. but close enough to make you wonder. in times like this i realize that that i've been made of millions of moments, people, places and events. i am not only "here and now". i am not just what i want to remember.
i do have indeed a lot of those drawers that are locked and labeled "DO NOT OPEN". but it doesnt mean that one day, when i will be moving, i wont have to open them all and go through everything i have stored up there.
it doesnt mean that it didnt happen.

therefore - hoist the flag, my dear sisters and brothers! there is enough of the sea for everyone, and those new shores are just waiting for me.

p.s. i was making gingerbread cookies today. the picture is from about 2 years ago but the story is still the same. story about decorated raindeers and ska-colored rabbits.

pārdomas par depresiju

2008-12-01T22:14:00.004+02:00

atkal jau tūlīt viens gads būs cauri. trakums. laiks kā melnajā caurumā pazūd.

daži jau zina, ka mani šīrudens aktuālie temati ir depresija un tas, kā darbojas prāts. man abi divi liekas vēl pilnīgi neatklāta, bet fascinējoša pasaule. un tas ir praktiski. šī nu ir lieta, kas tieši vai netieši skar pilnīgi katru. depresija, izrādās, ir piemeklējusi gandrīz katru desmito planētas iedzīvotāju. baiss cipars. saliec kopā trīsdesmit cilvēkus (tādu vidēja izmēra vidusskolas klasi), un vismaz 3 no tiem ir potenciālie upuri.
Latvija vispār ir kaut kāds depresijas perēklis. Diezgan laba augsne, lai cilvēki justos samērā nomākti. forši, ja var aizbraukt ceļojumā ik pa brīdim, tas vismaz izrauj no tās tumsas (kas ilgst +/- pus gadu), stresa (jo latvieši jau ir darītāji. dari, dari, dari - tava vērtība ir atkarīga no tā, kādu pienesumu tu vari dot jau tā rūkošajam IKP! sviests), finansiālā spiediena, patiesi dziļu un mīlestības pilnu attiecību trūkuma (un te nav runa tikai par romantiskām attiecībām, tas ir daudz plašāk - cilvēkiem hroniski trūkst īstu draudzību un stipru ģimeņu).
bet, ja nevar tikt tajā ceļojumā uz Tunisiju un dabūt desmit dienu tiešas saules gaismas, tad ir traki.
jo patiesībā jau tā depresija un arī tas, kā funkcionē prāts un kā mūsu domāšana iedarbojas uz mūsu pašsajūtu un izturēšanos, ir ļoti liela deva sarežģītas ķīmijas. stāsts par to, kā parvietojas neironi. stāsts par to, kā tumsā smadzenes saražo ķīmiskas vielas, kas liek ķermenim justies miegainam un nogurušam, un šo vielu ražošanā tiek patērētas citas vielas, kuras savukārt uztur možumu un dzīvesprieku. nav jau brīnums, ka decembrī bez sniega darīt negribas pilnīgi neko.

gribētos par šo tematu uzrakstīt vienu riktīgi diplomdarbu. vai pētījumu. sēdēt bibliotēkā un rakties cauri.
vēl dažas atziņas no šīrudens krājumiem, pārbaudītas uz savas ādas:
- lai ziemā justos labāk un možāk gan fiziski, gan emocionāli, pietiek ar uzturēšanos labāk apgaismotās un gaišākās telpās. nopietni! tad smadzenes mazāk ražo tās miega vielas.
- sportošana nudien palīdz! ne tikai tāpēc, ka novērš domas no nomācošajiem tematiem, ne tikai tāpēc, ka tā var uzturēt sevi formā un pieteikt karu Ziemassvētku cepeša radītajām sekām. vēl svarīgāk ir tas, ka sportojot ķermenis sadarbībā ar smadzenēm saražo endorfīnus - vielas, kas liek justies laimīgākam. tāpat sportojot, iespējams (tas gan ir tikai mans novērojums un nav īpaši nekur pierādīts), ieslēdzas kaut kādas smadzeņu daļas, kuras ikdienā netiek izmantotas, un pēc fiziskas slodzes vai tās laikā bieži vien izdomājas domas un idejas, kuras citādāk paliktu noklusēšanas režīmā, uzrodas kaut kādas perspektīvas lietām, par kurām pirmīt nebija ne mazākās nojausmas.
diezgan labs raksts par to ir šeit: http://hypericum.wordpress.com/2008/03/21/physical-activity-may-protect-against-the-development-of-depression-2/
- vajag vismaz vienu vai divus cilvēkus, ar kuriem var tā pa dušom izrunāties. tā līdz kliņķim. jo, ja dusmas un aizkaitinājumu patur iekšā, tad labi nebūs. sirds aizaugs ciet.

un. jā. ir iespējams meklēt un atrast labo. tas nebūt nav latviešu skeptiski vērtētais amerikāņu pozitīvisms (lai gan, ja godīgi, visu cieņu arī tam). vienkārši mani liekas, ka tas, kā mēs redzam sevi un lietas, cilvēkus, notikumus sev apkārt ir tikai un vienīgi mūsu pašu izvēle.
tu vari izvēlēties redzēt visu melnu ar dažām baltām strīpām.
un tu vari izvēlēties redzēt visu baltu ar dažām melnām strīpām.

nu kaut kā tā.
par to prāta darbošanos nākamreiz. jau šis sanāca traki gari.

**************
sorry for not having this in english. laziness took over. but basically these are my thoughts and experiences on depression and the way how mind works.

lights on for riga

2008-11-22T23:51:00.006+02:00

it was truly beautiful.
felt like the whole city has turned into some kind of magic fairytale land where there are small miracles on every corner. my favorite spot had my childhood cartoons running on the huge screen, and people trying to find their way in a big maze, made out of latvian traditional "lielvardes josta" pattern. there were kids jumping around and laughing, and old people trying to read the small notes on the walls of the maze. everything and everyone seemed so... happy around, and believe you me, it is not an emotion you would find very often around here.

so - cheers! to the next 90.

ATRADUMS nr.8/ DISCOVERY nr.8

2008-11-21T00:38:00.002+02:00

Šovakar šis puisis ar savu grupu (The New Trio) man atkal lika piedzīvot džeza maģiju. To, kad ir tauriņi vēderā un gribās vnk nejēgā smaidīt.
Apbrīnoju un cieņā noliecu galvu tādu cilvēku priekšā kā Kristaps, kurš, būdams jaunāks par mani, ir spējis radīt ko TĀDU.

www.myspace.com/kristapsvanadzins

*****
Tonight this guy and his band (The New Trio) made me realize the magic of jazz once again. The one with butterflies in the spine, the desire to smile until it hurts and all that ... jazz.
I admire and truly respect people like Kristaps, who are younger than me yet able to create something like THIS.
Enjoy.

www.myspace.com/kristapsvanadzins

Helsinki

2008-11-20T15:11:00.009+02:00

tā nu tas bija.
it was like this.

There are NO LIMITS!

2008-11-20T14:24:00.004+02:00

You never know what is going to trigger the craziness inside of you.
It's pretty clear that we all have one. Its just a matter of time and place and people around you (especially them!) when you suddenly end up dancing on the street, in the middle of the night, dressed like a ridiculous creature from 15 years ago. Well, maybe you will have different activities, theme and dresscode. Fair enough.
Put together "Night at the Roxbury" and the era of boybands (and the insane amounts of love songs they produced. well, they still do), throw in couple of old MTV videos, and - voila!, you get...
THIS.

As its said in the video (that is floating somewhere in the youtube universe) we made out of bits and pieces of that night-
All the credits and the deepest gratitude go to:
the perfect timing for our childhood
the artists and performers of the 90-ies
the unlimited city of Helsinki
and, of course, our beautiful selves - kac, els, liig, mad.

Lights On For Latvia

2008-11-18T09:51:00.003+02:00

you can really appreciate freedom only if you know how it is not to have it.

* designed by Elina Bushmane

ir laiks/ its time

2008-11-10T18:51:00.003+02:00

... He sat back in the couch, took his caffe latte, smiled at His angels and said: "Showtime!"

2008-11-06T16:53:00.003+02:00

vakar nonācu pie secinājuma.
ka ja man šobrīsd būtu sevi ar kaut ko jāsalīdzina.
tad man liekas, ka es emsu trigonometrisks vienādojums.
kuru es pati nespēju atrisināt.
ar n-tajiem nezināmajiem.
un risināšanas procesu, kas ne tuvu nav pie beigām, un ilgs mūžīgi.
diez ko cerīga jau tā situācija nav.

ir brīva mana personīgā Pitagora vakance. man vajag dabūt to formulu, kas ļautu dzīvot vieglāk.

*********
yesterday i came to conclusion.
that if i would have to compare my self to something.
it would be a trigonometric equation (i dont even know how you guys put those two words together in english).
and the worst thing is.
that i am the kind of equation no one is really able to solve.
and the process of figuring it out is far from the end, and i am afraid it will last a lifetime and even more.
the situation is not very hopeful.
i've always thought hugh school math was a bit useless.
dang i was wrong.

i am looking for my personal Pythagoras. I need that theorem that would make my life easier.

kaut kas pie kā pieturēties/ something to hold on to

2008-11-05T15:07:00.003+02:00

saka, ka domāšana ir visai bīstama padarīšana/ they say that thinking is a dangerous business

2008-11-02T19:47:00.004+02:00

Ikdienai ir viens trūkums.
Tā ir ikdienišķa.
Un vēl trakāk ir, ja sāk likties, ka tavi miljons mazie sīkumi par to, ka tu šodien "Narvesenā" redzēji džeku, kurš bija akurāt uz mata līdzīgs Džonijam Depam, vai par to, ka šodien tu oficiāli atklāji mandarīnu ēšanas sezonu... nu, ka tas kādu interesē.
Laikam jau dalītās informācijas apjoms un intensitāte ir proporcionāla kopābūšanas apjomam un intensitātei. Tas, cik ļoti tevi interesē sīkumi par otru cilvēku, mazās domas un notikumi, ir savā ziņā cieši saistīts ar to, cik ļoti, bieži, daudz vai nedaudz tu esi klātesošs viņa dzīvē.
Piemēram, ar cilvēku, kuru satiec 2x gadā "uz kafiju", tu runā par to, ka - "hei, vasarā strādāju Dānijā, bija kruti, ā, pirms tam biju Grenlandē... nē, piedod, bildes nav līdzi šoreiz, bet es salikšu "draugos", ja? un ko tu? turpat vēl strādā?..."
savukārt ar kādu, kuru tu satiec +/- katru nedēļu, izvēršas pavisam citas kvalitātes informācijas apmaiņa, kura ir daudz personīgāka un detalizētāka, un ieinteresētāka - "mmm, jā, es tieši vakar par to domāju, kā mēs to un šito un vēl kaut ko, un es iedomājos par tevi, kā tu man pagājušajā nedēļā teici... starp citu, kā tev otrdien gāja tajā ballītē ar tavu priekšnieku? nebija tik traki?"
un tad... tad ir tie, kuri piezvanot, prasa nevis to, kā tev iet, bet gan - kā tev šodien gāja. viņi uzdod arī jautājumus par to, kā tu jūties, un jūs varat 15 minūtes no vietas apspriest tavu šīs dienas sarunu ar kaimiņiem, vai arī varat nedarīt vienkārši neko, un pat tas būs vērtīgi pavadīts laiks. un jūs kaut kā maģiski un nemanāmi zinat par otra lielajiem notikumiem un mazajiem arī, un tikt līdz dziļumam un smalkumam, un niansēm, un sirds wireless ir tāds kā... neparasti viegls un patīkams process.

man pietrūkst to pēdējo.
un draudzības, kas ir klātesoša 24/7 gan tad, kad ir labi, gan tad, kad ir slikti, gan tad, kad nav nekā.

************
the ordinary has one flaw.
its ordinary.
and it is even more insane to think that someone is actually interested in your daily ordinary businesses. things like - hey, i saw this guy today who totally looked like Johny Depp! or - hey, today i officially launched my mandarin eating season! phhh. no one really gives a crap. and to be honest i dont blame them. why should they.
i guess the infromation you share and exchange with others directly depends on how much time you spend with them. The amount of interest you have in other person's life details, small thoughts and wonderings is directly linked to how much and often you are present in his/her life.
think about it.
for instance.
with a person that you meet twice a year "over a coffie", you will talk about something like - "yeah well i worked in denmark during the summer, well, it was fun and all but now i'm here trying to figure things out. no, sorry, i didnt take any pictures, but i will but them on the facebook soon...and what about you? still working at the same old place?..." facts facts facts. one after another. facts about your life and events and places, the less personal it is, the safer you feel.
another case - someone you meet more or less eveyr week. its a different story eh? the quality of information you share is different, or at least - the level of how personal it is and how you can link it to thoughts and ideas not just facts. "mmm, yeah, i was talking yesterday with this guy about this, this and this, and it reminded me about what you said last week... by the way, how did it go in that party with your colleagues and boss? was it as bad as you thought it would be?"
and then there are those one of the kind friends. the ones who instead of asking "how r u?" ask "how did it go today?". or they ask about how you feel, or what you are thinking about, or they dont ask anything at all and for 15min you just talk about your conversation with your neighbor the other day and how bizarre it was. or you do nothing at all, just hang out, and its the most cozy thing ever. and somehow, in this magic and unvisible way, you already know about other's big deals and small things. and it just happens that get to this depth and details and thoughts and wireless of the heart is a process as short as 3 blinks of an eye.

i miss those last ones.
those friendships that are just there 24/7 in good times and bad times and times when you feel like one big nothing.

ATRADUMS nr.7/ DISCOVERY nr.7

2008-10-29T13:36:00.004+02:00

MŪZIKA: The Weepies, kas ir savu rudenim atbilstošo skanējumu ir iekarojuši pārliecinošas līdera pozīcijas manā mp3 pleilistē.
Absolūti nejaušs fakts, kas manī rada nelielu neizpratni - šai grupai ir dziesma ar nosaukumu "Riga girls". Dziesma skaista bez gala un malas, pēc teksta konteksta var noprast, ka tur nav nekādas vārdu spēles un "Riga girls" tiešām nozīmē "Riga girls", bet - KĀDS SAKARS???

FILMAS:
Divas.
1) Grizzly Man. Viena no šī gada iespaidīgākajām filmām, kura izsita korķus vairākos līmeņos tieši ar savu cilvēcību un to, kā tā ... liek domāt. "Into The Wild" salīdzinājumā ar šo ir vien tādas bērnu pasaciņas.
2) Eagle vs Shark. Nejēgā dīvaina filma, kuras laikam jau lielākais šarms slēpjas NZ akcentā un visā tajā nejēdzīguma perfektajā attēlojumā. Bet tas nejēdzīgums tāds smalks, augstākās klases tā teikt. Tāds datorspēļu un sporta tērpu nejēdzīgums. Un beigu beigās - love always wins.

***************
MUSIC: The Weepies. They won the leading position in my mp3 playlist with their perfect autumn-like sound.
And the most random fact about them - they have a song called "Riga girls". What to say, the song is beautiful and it seems (by looking at the context of the lyrics) that "Riga girls" really means... "Riga girls", but - how and why should a band from states write a song about... girls in here? That's something that doesn't really click in my head. But oh well. That's not the first thing and not the last one as well.

MOVIES:
Two.
1) Grizzly Man. One of the movies this year that has left such an impression on me that I dont even know where to begin. You have to see it. After this "Into the wild" seems just another children fairytale. + you wouldn't expect it, but it is surprisingly funny!
2) Eagle vs Shark. Absurd and funny, and absurdly funny - and I guess one of the biggest values of this movie is the NZ accent and the way it portrays the small little akward dimensions of life. But the bottom line is nice - love always wins. Because its true, isnt it? (One thing is for sure though - Jemaine Clement is way better in his "Flights of Conchords" than in this)

uzmini nu

2008-10-26T19:43:00.004+02:00

Kā lai nosauc to, kad beidzot šalle vairs nav aksesuārs, kura lietošanas funkcionalitāte ir visai apšaubāma un diskutējama, bet gan ikdienas nepieciešamība, un reizēm pārņem kārdinājums pielietot nevis vienu, bet divas? mana māsa saka, ka šalles paskata instalācija uz mana kakla vairāk līdzināt kaut kādai ortopēdiskajai apkaklei. var jau būt.

Kā lai nosauc to, kad mitrums ārā vairs nav tikai kaut kas, kas krīt no gaisa, bet gan viela, kas iesūcas tavā būtībā, līdz kaulam. un nelīdz vairs ne jakas, ne džemperi, ne tavas trīs ādās, deviņas dzīvības un septiņjūdžu zābaki - tas viss kapitulē lietus un vēja priekšā... un tu jūtie kā tas plastmasas maisiņš no "Amerikāņu skaistuma", kuru mētā uz riņķi, uz riņķi vien.

Kā lai nosauc to, ka ilgošanās pēc svecēm, kamīniem, kakako un piparmētru tējas krūzēm pieaug aritmētiskās progresijas cienīgos ātrumos. katru dienu pa bišķītim. vienīgais laiks gadā, kad siltumu vajag vairāk kā ēst, un ne jau tikai ārējo.

Kā lai nosauc to, kad gribās izpētīt un no jauna atrast kopā klusēšanas prieku. runāt un smieties kopā ir skaisti, bet manu draudzību patieso un īsto vērtību nosaka kopā klusēšanas spēja. kad pietiek ar to, ka var būt kopā - kad nevajag ne small talk, ne "Katanas ieceļotājus", pat ne filmas. Kad draudzības wireless visspilgtāk uzliesomo, sēžot blakus, skatoties kamīnā, domājot katram savas domas, pateicībā, ka šīs divas dzīves vismaz uz kādu brīdi var papildināt viena otru.

Kā lai nosauc to, kā mūzika (weepies, laura marlinga, rossie thomas un citi) saplūst kopā ar to, kas notiek manī iekšā un ārā, un rada sajūtu, ka esmu izkāpusi no kādas filmas ar izcilu soundtracku. kad mūzika atkal beidzot ir mūzika. kad tā liek atkal un atkal atskārst, cik ļoti tomēr viss apkārt līmējas kopā pat tad, kad liekas, ka nelīmējas viss.

rudens.
tādu vārdu es atradu pa ceļam.
un zini kā ir?
es to nemainītu ne pret ko citu.

*********************************

I wouldnt change this fall for the world.

oktobris/ the october

2008-10-22T16:03:00.006+03:00

rudens kā rudens
biezie un gājputni laižas uz nīlu
pēkšņi man likās
tu esi mans draugs
un es tevi mazliet mīlu.
/no "prāta vētras" fondiem/

tur kaut kas vēl bija par pīlēm, bet to es atstāšu novembrim.

************
fall as fall
the rich guys and birds are fleeing south
suddenly i realized
that you are my friend
and i love you a little bit.
/from the box of "brainstorm" songs/

there was also something about the ducks in the song, but i will leave that to happen in november.

bāc / dang

2008-10-17T22:26:00.003+03:00

katram jau ir kaut kāda tāda lieta dzīvē, kura atkal un atkal parāda, ka ... nu, ka pasaule laikam negriežas ap tevi.
stāsts, par kuru ir tikai jautājumi no sērijas - "kāds sakars?", "kāpēc es?" un "par ko ir raidījums?".
mana stāsta redzamā daļa ir ģeogrāfija. to aisberga daļu zem ūdens (un es aizvakar wikipēdijā izlasīju, ka tā var sasniegt pat kilometra izmērus) es ne vien neredzu, bet arī nesaprotu. taču pietiek jau ar to, ka visa mana līdzšinējā kompetence, zināšanas, pieredze, prasmes, izaugšana, ticība, gribasspēks un apņēmība salūzt pret elementāras ģeogrāfijas nepielūdzamo sienu.
man vajadzētu kādu teleportēšanās aparātu. nedārgu un darba kārtībā, vēlams, jaunāko modeli.

****************
i guess everyone has a thing in life that proves again and again that... that world doesn't revolve around us.
some sort of story, and the only questions you have about it are the kind of "whats the deal"?, "why me?" and "what is this f****ing story about?" questions.
the visible part of my story is geography. but i not only dont see the part of the iceberg thats under the water (and it can be as big as one kilometer under the water by the way, i read it yesterday in wikipedia), i also have no clue and understanding about it. oh well. but its very much enough that all the competence, knowledge, experience, skills, growth, faith, willlpower and determination i have gained so far just break and fall in the presence of simple geography.
sometimes i feel way to complicated for this world.
i need some kind of "travel-in-time-and-space" mashine. cheap and working, if possible.

it's been a week

2008-10-07T20:57:00.003+03:00

realitāte ir dīvains jēdziens. tāpat kā patiesība - stiepjams uz visām pusēm, lai gan pēc jēgas un būtības tai vajadzētu būt vienai. aha, ka tik ne arī! katrs jau to deķīti uz savu pusi. bet laikam jau kaut kā taisnība vien ir, ka tava realitāte sākas tavā galvā un sirdī. jo riņķī apkārt jau var atrast visu ko. gribi depresiju - lūdzu! viens no augstākajiem pašnāvību reitingiem eiropā (to pašu gan saka arī norvēģija, somija un islande) + vairāk kā puse no valsts iedzīvotājiem dzīvo zem iztikas minimuma, kas ir apmēram 150Ls ienākumi mēnesī uz vienu cilvēku laikā, kad piens maksā gandrīz latu + vakari gaišāki nekļūst + valdību ar Godmani priekšgalā gribās vnk nolikt visus pie sienas un apliet ar eļļas krāsu.
bet tad ir arī tās citas puses. un tu vari izvēlēties likt savas sirds skatlogā un pleilistē tās. rudeni ar visu to satriecošo skaistumu, krītošajām lapām un pēclietus smaržu. pilsētas dinamiskumu un interesantumu, un to, cik daudz detaļu ir uz katras ielas un katra stūra, un ir tik aizraujoši tās visas likt kopā galvā un pēctam izjaukt, un katru dienu no jauna radīt pašam savu personīgo kaleidoskopu. draugi, kuri man vnk korķus sit ārā - tās ir tās nerūsējošās tērauda draudzības, un kurām nav derīguma termiņa un beigu datuma, kuras ir izgājušas pietiekami daudz sūru un grūtu līmeņu, un tagad ir ieguvušas imunitāti pret laika radīto atsvešinātību.
ir tik daudz iespēju izvēlēties ieraudzīt labo un gaišo, un to, kas iepriecina.
un, pat ja tas viss liekas par grūtu, tu vari izvēlēties izmantot savu pēdējo brīvību - izvēlēties, kā tu skaties uz to, kas notiek tev apkārt. un to neviens tev nespēs atņemt.

es nesen Īdenai (apbrīnojami jauka meitene no Nešvilas, kura fotogrāfēja Lines un Lensa kāzas) stāstīju, ka es parasti esmu sajūsmā par lietām apmēram 3 reizes gadā.
Liekas, ka šis ir bijis un vēljoprojām būs labs gads. Un ka mana sajūsmas kvota tiks palielināta līdz 4.

un tad jau kā Kaupers - welcome to my country. here you cant go wrong.
priekā! par un ar atgriešanos.

*********
relaity is a weird concept, along with the truth - you can stretch both of them any way you want, and no one can say that you are wrong. at least today, when we live in a world where you are right if it works for you. and it is a twisted thought, but I somehow agree that reality is subjective in a way. and that your reality starts in your head and heart, because there will always be anythying and everything around you, and you will find what you are looking for.
for instance - you want depression? (I know that its not that people intentionally want to live in a depression but sometimes it seems that some of them are almost enjoying the misery they are in coz then they can blame everything but themselves) here you go! we have one of the biggest suicide rates in Europe (although Norway and Finland and Iceland claim to have the same) + more than half of the people in here are not earning more than 300$ a month (and a liter of milk here costs like 2$ or smth) + I have a irresistable desire to put all the government with the prime minister himself in front of me and pour a ton of oil paint on them.
but then there are those other sides and angles as well. and you can choose to put those ones on the playlist of your heart. you can choose to see the beautiful fall over here with all its leaves and colors, and wind that turns everything upside down in such a lovely way that you cant resist to forgive that it has made a mess out of your hair. you can choose to almost appreciate all the interesting details in the city, and dynamic the city has, and how it all fits together is this chaotic yet exciting way, creating your personal city kaleidoscope. you can choose to see the value of those stainless and rustproof friendships you have in your life, the ones without any expiry dates or deadlines, the ones that have gone through so many tough and challenging levels that they have gained some kind of imunity against time and distances.
there are so many possibilities for you to choose the good and beautiful.
and, if that feels too hard and impossible, you can still excercise your last freedom - the reedom to choose your attitude towards what is going around you. and that is a thing no one can take away from you.

a while ago I was telling to Eden (an awesome girl from Nashwille who was shoting the wedding of Line and Lance) that I get excited about 3 times a year. well, it seems that this is going to be a good year, so maybe I will make it to 4.

so, here, this is how the good old song goes - "welcome to my country, here you cant go wrong..."
cheers! for coming back.

.dk

2008-09-30T23:46:00.005+03:00

this is my most beautiful denmark.
place where happiness feels the most natural state of being.
place where I found another meaning for the word "family". I have had a lot of those ones this year.
where so many things remind me of home that i dont even know where to begin.
i've had an awesome month there.
i will come back. promise.

svētdienas domiņas/ little thoughts of sunday

2008-09-21T19:09:00.003+03:00

no dusmošanās uz Dievu nav nekādas jēgas. godīgi.
labāk iziet pastaigāties.
vakar pamācījos šaut. turēt īstu 9mm ieroci rokās ir visai dīvaini. un es nespēju tikt vaļā no domas par to, kā ir, ja kāda no tām lodēm ieurbjas tavā miesā un atduras pret kaulu. kas tajā brīdī notiek galvā?

***********
there is no point of being agry with God. honestly.
its better to just take a walk.
yesyerday i tried shooting a little bit. the real one. it was weird to hold a real 9mm gun. i couldnt get rid of the thought about how does it feel when one of those bullets goes right in your body and flesh and comes upon the bone. whats going on in your head at that moment?

lapsā kūmiņš raugās/ the fox

2008-09-20T23:14:00.002+03:00

superjauka man tā mazā māsa ir. šitādas lietas zīmē.

my little sister simply rocks. this picture made by her just cracks me up.
(on the sign: The Central Market of Riga - 1km)

atslēgas vārdi/ keywords

2008-09-20T21:55:00.002+03:00

mierīgi vakari. patīkama rutīna. ģimeniskums. pirmskāzu drudzis. līgavu kleitas. ābolkūka. vēstules. ilgošanās. lietus. jesejas 58. duglass koplends. nākotnes vieglums. tēja. bezcerība par vienām lietām un apbrīnojama cerība par citām. robs bells. krēslu pārvalciņi. vientulīgums nelielās devās. tumši vakari. divi mazi kaķi. rudenīgs vēsums un elektriskais sildītājs. gailenes. Laura Marling un Noah and the Whale. cīņa ar depresijām - savējām un citu cilvēku arī. vājums. apņemšanās. Mišelas atgriešanās. apjukums.
tā kaut kā man pēdējā laikā iet.

Oh well I look at you and say it's the happiest I have ever been
and I'll say I feel I no longer have to be James Dean,
and She'll say,
Oh yeah, Well I feel pretty happy too,
And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you.
/Noah and the Whale - 5 years time/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRX5kH6IrkY

********
peacefull evenings. pleasant routine. family. pred-wedding fever. wedding dresses. apple pie. letters. longing. rain. isaiah 58. douglass coupland. the lightness of the future. tea. hoplesness about some things and amazing hope about some others. rob bell. chaircovers. small amounts of loneliness. dark evenings. two little cats. autumn-ish chill and electric heater.chanterelles (tasty, yellow muhrooms). Laura Marling and Noah and the Whale. fighting depressions - mines and the ones of others too. weakness. determination. return of the Mishel. confussion.
that's how it is with me lately.

Oh well I look at you and say it's the happiest I have ever been
and I'll say I feel I no longer have to be James Dean,
and She'll say,
Oh yeah, Well I feel pretty happy too,
And I'm always pretty happy when I'm just kicking back with you.
/Noah and the Whale - 5 years time/

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jRX5kH6IrkY

11.septembris/ september 11th

2008-09-11T22:39:00.004+03:00

dienas citāts (iz māsas vēstules): "Tad jau labāk meža cūkai mazuli nozagšu nekā speršu vēl kādreiz kāju tajā vietā!" (domāts - mūzikas skolā)
dienas mūzika: ludovico enaudi, max richter, mum
dienas prieks: klavieres otrajā stāvā un rozā vēstule, ar zīmuli rakstītā
dienas grāmata: "About a Boy"
dienas filma: "About a Boy" :)
dienas vainas sajūta: iecerētās pastaigas nenotikšana slinkuma dēļ
dienas paveiktais: 7 krēslu pārvalki un ābolkūka
dienas atskārsme:man.vajag.darīt.kaut.ko.fizisku.punkts.skriet.piemēram.tikai.žēl.ka.man.tas.riebjas.

**********
quote of the day (from the letter i received from my sister): "I would rather steal a baby of the wild pig (wild sow?) than set my foot in that place again!" (meaning - her music school)
music of the day: ludovico enaudi, max richter, mum
joy of the day: the piano in the second floor and the pink letter, written with a pencil
book of the day: "About a Boy"
movie of the day: "About a Boy" :)
"feeling guilty" of the day: not going for a walk because of laziness
accomplishment of the day: 7 chair covers and an apple pie
thought of the day: I.should.work.out.or.do.some.excercising.like.running.but.too.bad.i.just.simply.hate.it

beidzot/ at least

2008-09-10T20:50:00.002+03:00

pēc šī gada atzīstamu skatuves mākslinieku paranormālā uzlidojuma LV skatuvēm (Jose Gonzalez, Backstreet Boys (jēs jēs, es būtu gājusi/, Bjorka, Prāta Vētra...) un manas nebūšanas majās, kuras rezultātā viss, kas man tika, bija sajūsmas pilni pārstāsti par to, cik uh un ah skaisti bija, arī man beidzot ir cerība dzīvajā dzirdēt un novērot kādus no tiem, kas jau mēnešiem ilgi nepagurdami griežas manā mp3 pleijerī.
múm ir Latvijā.
31.oktobris, Spaņu Fabrika.
Ejam?

http://www.myspace.com/mumtheband

****************
after missing so many good musicians who have been playing back home this year (Jose Gonzalez, Backstreet Boys (and, yeah, I would have gone if I could have so back off...), Bjork to name a few) that left me with nothing but having to hear all those stories about how amazing they were... finally I have a hope to hear one of the bands that have been spinning in my mp3 player (oh yeah songs dont spin in those things anymore... they are just... being converted from numbers to sounds) for past year.
múm is in Latvia.
31st of Oct, Sapņu Fabrika.
Are you coming?

http://www.myspace.com/mumtheband

all that ring business

2008-09-09T13:44:00.003+03:00

No one answered. the noon-bell rang. Still no one spoke. Frodo glanced at all the faces, but they were not turned to him. All the Council sat with downcast eyes, as if in deep thought. A great dread fell on him, as if he was awaiting the pronouncement of some doom that he had long forseen and vainly hoped might after all never be spoken. And overwhelming kinging to rest and remain at peace by Bilbo's side in Rivendell filled his heart. At last with an effort he spoke, and wondered to hear his own words, as if some other will was using his small voice.

"I will take the Ring," he said, "though I do not know the way."

/J.R.R. Tolkien - The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring"/

attaisnojumi attaisnojumi/ excuses excuses

2008-09-06T21:48:00.008+03:00

iemesli, kādēļ šeit kaut kas jēdzīgs parādās tik reti (ak, piedod, dārgo uzticamo lasītāj):
1) slinkums
2) man arvien biežāk un biežāk liekas, ka man nav ko teikt. ko gan es, tāds divdesmit trīs gadīgs ķipars, tev varu jaunu pateikt? ka pasaule šķērsām sagājusi? ka katram mākonim zelta maliņa? ka tam, ka ktru dienu no bada mirst n-tie simti bērnu, cēlonis ir nevis tas, ka nepietiek pārtikas, bet gan tas, ka pārtika nav vienlīdzīgi sadalīta? ne taču. es labāk aiziešu palasīt Koplendu un pašausmināties, kā viens cilvēks, kurš dzīvo tūkstošiem kilometru attālumā un kura personīga piesaiste man nav pat tik cik melns aiz naga, var perfekti vārds vārdā aprakstīt manu domu ikdienišķo gājumu un saturu. kaut kāds medžik. kaut kāds wireless.
3) pārāk daudz man tās datora klātbūntes dzīvē. šitā kaste lēnām nozog manu dvēseli.

bet kaut kad jau man atkal būs ko pavēstīt šai virtuālajai pasaulei. tad es klauvēšu pie tavām durvīm un teikšu: "ei, dūd, ejam ārā paslēpēs spēlēties!"

**********
reasons why there is not so much to read here lately (oh sorry my dear and faithful reader):
1) laziness
2) more and more lately it feels that I have nothing to say. what can I, twenty three year little one, tell you? that the world out there IS totally screwed up? or that every cloud has its silver lining? or that the reason for hudreds of kids dying of poverty each day is not a matter of not enough food for everyone but of food not being divided and distributed fair and equally? not really. so. i will rather go and read Coupland (I'm right about to be done with Gum Thief and starting with Eleonor Rigby). then i'll be able to spend my time wondering how a person who lives in another continent and has nothing to do with me can describe the daily content of my mind so precisely. some kind of magic or what. one of those wireless that you cant really get where does it come from and what the heck.
3) too much of the presence of my dear laptop in my life. it literally sucks my souls out of me. (ha, soon i will be soul-less. that would be fun. no, actually it wouldnt). oh sigh.

but at some point soon I will try to focus on this virtual made up world again. on that day i will knock on your door and say: "hey, dude, lets go outside and play some hide and seek."
and your better have your raincoat ready:)

ATRADUMS nr.6/ DISCOVERY no.6

2008-09-03T21:55:00.005+03:00

www.threadless.com

reizēm tu viņiem vienkāŗši uzskrien virsū. nu, tiem. cilvēkiem, kuriem visi t-krekli ir satriecoši jauki, tādi, kuru varētu ierāmēt un pielikt pie sienas.
un tad jūs pārmijat pāris vārdus, parunājat par šo un to, nu, tādus saviesīgus niekus.
un izrādās.
ka viņi tos savus t-kreklus.
izvelk no tādām vietām, kā.
šī.

*****
sometimes you just bump into them. well, them. people who have the nicest t-shirts on the whole planet. so nice that you could take each one of them (t-shirts, not people), frame them and put them on the wall.
and then you talk about this and that, and it turns out.
that those t-shirts.
they get from places like.
this.

ATRADUMS nr.5/ DISCOVERY no.5

2008-08-31T19:55:00.004+03:00

RITEŅBRAUCOŠĀ KOPENHĀGENA
Šī pilsēta šobrīd stabili ieņem līdera pozīcijas manā Eiropas jaukāko pilsētu topā. Brisele un Rīga nu ir tikai otrajā un trešajā vietā.
Kāpēc? Nu bet riteņi taču:)
es tur varētu pārcelties dzīvot.

***********
THE BIKING COPENHAGEN
This city has now taken the leader position on my "Nicest cities in the Europe" list. Brussels and Riga now are left 2nd and 3rd.
Why? because of all the bikes of course:)
I could just move there. And stay.

a day off

2008-08-13T01:59:00.004+03:00

mazā raganiņa logā.
diena, kad neko nedarīšana sagādā īpašu prieku.
"boards of canada" un winamp vizualizācijas.
atsoulgi.
mans vecais fotoaparāts - veterāns.
un kas no tā visa sanāca.

***********
the small little witch in the window.
a day, when doing nothing brings a special kind of joy.
"boards of canada" and visualisations in winamp.
reflections.
my oldschool camera-old-timer.
and what happened to turn out of all that.

ATRADUMS nr.4/ DISCOVERY no.4

2008-08-06T16:39:00.004+03:00

droppingknowledge.org

"jautājumi nav biedējoši.
biedējoši ir tas, ja cilvēkiem to nav."
/Robs Bells/

*******
"questions are not scary.
it is scary when people don't have any."
/Rob Bell/

the magic of saturdays

2008-08-03T18:01:00.000+03:00

Time is squeezing me in. I feel it now so intensely, I can almost feel how days are running by with twice a big of a speed, and my ability to keep up with that is twice worse. But that is life I guess - A race where you have to compete with the time and distances and your own willpower.

On Saturdays we have the Council here at the camp. It is a tradition which was brought in by Native American counselors years ago. A place and time where to practice listening with your heart without judgment. An hour before the Council there is a solo time where there is a complete silence in the camp and everyone is on her own. Then a silent walk to the Council ring follows, and it is magical and spooky and unforgettable at the same time.

In the Council there are usually three or four speakers who have prepared something to say. Call it a speech if you want, it doesn’t matter. It is their time and space to share their wisdom, something that they think would be worth telling to others. Others are not allowed to talk or comment or ask questions, and for people like me it is a big challenge. Not only to listen, but to switch off all the judgments and filters I have in my mind and heart and let the truth reveal itself. I believe there is a great deal of truth all around us, and, since every person is made in image of God, in every one of us. I just have to give myself a chance to see and hear that, and sometimes it means counting to eleven hundred before saying or even thinking either the things been said are right or wrong.

And it is hard. Man, it’s hard.

I had to speak on the Council 2 weeks ago. I spoke about servant leadership and people in my life that have showed what is this thing all about. My voice was trembling and I had to fight with the smoke coming from the fire. Sometimes it is not only hard to listen but also to be listened to. Especially when there is a complete silence around you. Every word has a different weight then.

Jonas yesterday talked about golf and deer, and how we will get what we are thinking about and how we will move towards what we are focused on. How the only limits and boundaries we have are in our minds, and how everything is possible.

Sara was talking about the community and how the last two weeks of the camp can make the greatest influence. How one of the characteristics of a strong community is ability to show hospitality. She talked about the power of creating together, and each of our roles in that process.

I could go on forever. Each of the Council speeches has left something inside of me. I love these Saturday nights. They challenge me and feed my soul at the same time.

I have two and a half weeks left here, and things I want to do are more than many. At least in my case, the spirit of CRSE has done its job well – it has been contagious indeed, and it really feels now that I can do anything I want. Will see how dangerous it is to feel that way. Ask me in a year.

ATRADUMS nr.3/ DISCOVERY no.3

2008-07-25T01:04:00.003+03:00

We Feel Fine - www.wefeelfine.org

arī iekš TEDtalks/ also on TEDtalks
http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/jonathan_harris_collects_stories.html

viss ģeniālais ir līdz vājprātam vienkāršs.
šis ir ģeniāli.
un viņi jau neko neizdomā. tikai komunicē īsto dzīvi.
augstākā pilotāža tam, ko gribētu darīt es.

*********
everything that's genius is ridiculously simple.
and this. this is genius.
they don't make stuff up. they just communicate the real life.
this, this is the top level of what I would like to do one day.

and, by the way - I feel very inspired by this.

Fact sheet

2008-07-20T01:54:00.011+03:00

a short description of what's been going on around me for past couple of weeks. dry facts, nothing more.

+ The location - Stendis, Denmark.
a place with 5 houses (including ours), cornfields and cows all over the place. everything's green and everything's flat. not much more to say.

+ The staff - the team of 12 awesome counselors.
I'm sorry, but I am going to label people here.
Magdalena The Magic&Mysterious Camp Director
Aninia The Assistant Camp Director - the owner of the small blue car and a cool collection of t-shirts
Ilze The Chilled out Latvian Wellness Counselor.
Kārlis The Awesome Latvian Cook - if he keeps this way, I might become a vegetarian soon.
Cinna The Crazy Music Girl.
Macon The Walking Source of Insparation. She lives out what she preaches - art IS everywhere!
Naghmeh The Peacemaker
Eszter, Ms. Capability
Jonas, Mr. "Don't look at the deer, look at the road!"
Alexei The Tough Outdoorsy Guy
Mariah The Drama Queen.
and me.

+ The campers
AH. they are beautiful. We have them from almost all continents except Australia and Antarctica. I am living together with 40 historymakers.

+ The hike
we took out 3 girls for a 3 day hike. we got our faces and shoulders sunburned, and we layed foundations for couple of longterm friendships. not bad for a second week.

+ The scouts each year my impression of scouts being simply awesome people increases for couple of points. we rocked up at their camping place, looking for a place to stay for a night. they not only didn't kick us out (which they basic
ally had every right to do since they own that area) - they gave us the best camping place with a wonderful view on the lake, they looked after us and called us "our new international friends", they invited us to their flag ceremony the next morning and didnt stop saying how happy they are to have us there.
a wonderful lesson on hospitality indeed.

+ The Brussels
city in process. city of shiny glass&steel buildings right next to centuries old brick houses. I still love it. it is easy simply to BE in there. I wish i could spend a week there just being on my own.

+ Driving
I have 4 new driving experiences so far:
1) driving in another country
2) driving through 4 different countries in one day
3) driving 150km/h . ah, that's pure freedom right there.
4) driving a huge blue mazda van
conclusion - driving is kind of fun. still.

ATRADUMS nr.2/ DISCOVERY no.2

2008-07-14T22:18:00.003+03:00

learningtoloveyoumore.com

uzraksti telefona zvanu, kuru tu gribētu saņemt.
izveido idrošinošu plakātu
nofotogrāfē to, kas ir zem tavas gultas
sapin kādam matus

cilvēka radošums ir neaprakstāms un bezgalīgs, un šis projekts man ļāva no jauna ieraudzīt, cik pavisam vienkāršas lietas var būt neticami aizraujošas. iedodot vienu uzdevumu desmit dažādiem cilvēkiem, tu riskē dabūt atpakaļ desmit dažādu pasauļu atblāzmas.
grāmatu, kura ir tapusi šī projekta ietekmē, es esmu izskatījusi cauri kādas reizes 6, un vēljoprojām tajā atrodu kaut ko jaunu un iedvesmojošu. satriecoši.

***********
write a phone call you wish you could have
make an encouraging poster
take a flash picture under your bed
braid some one's hair

the creativity of the human being is indescribable and infinite, and this project has let me see once again how exciting the simplest things can be. if you give one single task to ten different people you risk to have 10 different reflections of 10 different souls back.
the book, that has been made out of this project, i have read through about 6 times already, and i still find something new and inspiring every time i open it. amazing.

ATRADUMS nr.1/ DISCOVERY no.1

2008-07-12T16:32:00.010+03:00

Es te tā domāju un izdomāju. Sen nekas nav kolekcionēts. Pastkartes jau sen ir kļuvušas par vēsturi, palikdamas Latvijā uz augšējā plaukta. Citam nekam nepieķēros - materiālu lietu kolekcionēšana tomēr ir apgrūtinoša, un manai kāmja dvēselei (kura tāpat neko ārā nav spējīga izmest) tas nav veselīgi.
Ir laiks sākt virtuālo kolekciju. Pielāgoties laikmetam, tā teikt.
Es gribu vākt kopā atradumus. Visko tādu, kas ir atrasts materiālajā un nemateriālajā pasaulē, ko esmu ieraudzījusi, kas man ir piespēlēts, kas ir nokritis no debesīm, kas uzradies ceļa vidū. Visko tādu, ko negribētos pazaudēt un aizmirst.
Tad nu lūk. Mani ATRADUMI.

*************
I was sitting (at the window, at the window...:)) and thinking. It has been a while since I have collected something. Made a collection of stuff of one kind, like our grandpas used to collect stamps or cigar boxes. My collection of postcards has been left on the upper shelf in Latvia, and somehow it feels that it is hard to collect material things, and it is not very health for my hamster soul (which wants to keep all the possible stuff I have anyway).
But it is a good time to start a virtual collection.
I want to gather together my discoveries. The stuff I have found in material and nonmaterial world, stuff I have seen and came across with, stuff that have fallen down from sky or have showed up in the very middle of my road.
Stuff I wouldn't want to loose or forget.
Enjoy:)

And so. Here it goes.
Proud to present. My DISCOVERIES.

ATRADUMS nr.1/ DISCOVERY no.1
3 tuneļi Briselē, dzelzceļa stacijas rajonā. Visas sienas ar grafiti, komiksīgām un visādi citādi samudžinātām gleznām. satriecoši smuki, un satriecoši spēcīgi. ar messidžu, tā teikt. Paskatieties, ja sanāk. Uz vienas no bildēm ir ielas nosaukums, atrast nav pārāk grūti.
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3 tunnels in Brussels that I came across with last week. All the walls are with large scale graffiti style paintings. Fabulously beautiful, and fabulously powerful as well. check them out, if you have a chance. there is a name of the street on one of the pictures, it is not so hard to find that place.

I should have known

2008-07-05T02:25:00.003+03:00

šis ar mani notika angliski, tāpēc latviskojuma nebūs.

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it is somehow bitter sweet.
to realize.
that sometimes.
no matter how much you care.
people just... don't care back in the same way and intensity.

maybe that's how Jesus felt all the time.
maybe not.

Kopsavilkums/ Summary

2008-07-01T23:56:00.002+03:00

mēneša JAUNATKLĀJUMS latviešos -Ilze no Nepālas un Kārlis Brālis, kurš ir 1/2 latvietis un 1/2 zviedrs.
mēneša NOSTAĻĢIJA - Flights of Conchords. Kopā ar citiem un citur tas nav tas pats, bet sentimentu ienes lielā apmērā.
mēneša NAIVUMS - "Lord of the rings" vasaras projekts. Ak, jel, Mad, par ko gan tu domāji, stiepjot tās 3 grāmatas cauri pus Eiropai.
mēneša KRĀSA - Dānijas zaļais.
mēneša ALBUMS - Sigur Ros "Meš suš í eyrum viš spilum endalaust"
mēneša CITĀTS - "Out beyond all the rightdoings and wrongdoings there is a field. I'll meet you there"
mēneša PIRKUMS - protams, ka mans koši sarkanais rokas pukstenis. satreicoši noderīga padarīšana.
mēneša KOMFORTS - pidžammu diena! Vakar nostaigāju visu dienu savā pidžammā un - ah, tas bija tik ērti!
mēneša ATKLĀSME - es esmu tik pateicīga par to, ka es varu būt es.

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The DISCOVERY in Latvians of the month: Ilze from Nepal and Kārlis The Brother (who is 1/2latvian and 1/2 swedish)
The NOSTALGIA of the month - Flights of the Conchords. It is totally not the same with other people and in other place, but it still brings a great deal of sentiment.
The NAIVETY of the month - my "Lord of the Rings" project for this summer. Oh, Mad, what were you thinking when bringing those 3 books all across the Europe.
The COLOR of the month - Danish green.
The ALBUM of the month - Sigur Ros "Meš suš í eyrum viš spilum endalaust"
The QUOTE of the month - "Out beyond all the rightdoings and wrongdoings there is a field. I'll meet you there"
The BUY of the month - my new watch of course:) it is such a useful thing.
The COMFORT of the month - pajamas day. yesterday I was walking around in my pajamas the whole day long, and it was one of the most comfy things I had done lately.
The REVELATION of the month - I am so grateful that I get to be me.