Jo Viņš zināja, ka Mozus, uzkāpjot kalnā, uzreiz sāks domāt par to, kā tikt lejā. Tik cilvēcīgi.
Es mācos. Mācos, kaut kur esot, tur vienkārši BŪT. Nedomājot par to, kā tikšu tālāk. Nedomājot par to, kā būs tad, kad būšu citur. Reizēm tik izaicinoši ir vienkārši būt tur, kur esi. Nevis "puse no sirds" variantā, bet pa
īstam. Rītos un vakaros, un vienam esot, un kopā ar citiem, un vārot kafiju, un ķemmējot matus (ko es nekad nedaru), un tīrot zobus, un cepot šokolādes cepumus cilvēkiem, kurus tu nepazīsti, un vērojot mazos pingvīniem līdzīgos putnus, kuri atgriežas no ziemas brīvlaika, lai sameklētu to pašu ligzdu, kurā audzināja mazuļus pagājušajā gadā.Būt tur. Un nedomāt par to, kas un kā, un kur, un kāpēc būs pēc tam.
Reizēm klātbūtnei ir lielāka nozīme nekā es jebkad būtu domājusi. Klātbūtnei pašai par sevi. Pat neko nesakot, neko nedarot, neko nesasniedzot vai neuzražojot mega rezultātu. Reizēm šķiet, ka vietai visā šajā skaipu, mesendžeru, sms, facebook un ryanair laimetā ir visai triviāla nozīme. Bet esot uz savas 400 cilvēku salas, mazliet okeāna vidū, un pusstundu sēžot blakus norvēģu lēdijai, kura, par spīti mūsu apjukušajam "ikke norsk", visu laiku stāstīja norvēģiski par saviem mazbērniem, es sapratu, ka es nekad viņu nevarētu iepriecināt virtuāli.
Es nekad virtuāli nevarētu vienkārši apskaut kādu, kurš raud, un, neko nesakot, iedot savu saņurcīto papīra kabatas lakatiņu paciņu.
Es nekad nevarētu klausīties kāda stāstu un māt ar galvu un smaidīt, un teikt, ka saprotu, pat ja nesaprotu.
Es nekad nevarētu kopā klusēt un zināt, ka tas, kas vieno, ir pāri vārdos un teikumos pateikt iespējamajam.
Ir, ir tavai esamībai telpā un laikā, un vietā lielāka nozīme, nekā tev liekas. Tāda slēptā, pievienotā vērtība, kuru nevar aizstāt ar kaut ko citu. Kas, ja ir, tad ir, un ja nav, tad nav. Un nav nekāda puse no sirds, un nav nekāda vidusceļa.
Man gribās. Gribās, esot kalnā, pa īstam BŪT kalnā.
Mēneša mūzika: Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
Mēneša filma: "Once"
Mēneša grāmata (vēljoprojām): Rob Bell "Velvet Elvis"
Mēneša video: Rob Bell "Everything is spiritual"
Mēneša citāts: happiness is only real when shared
Mēneša atradums: everywheremag.com
Mēneša ideja: vasarā iegādāties tetovējumu uz rokas
Mēneša putns: Northatlantic Puffin - Ziemeļatlantijas auka (auks?)
Mēneša wow: mans tētis nopirka džipu! riktīgu džipu! ak jē.
Mēneša sirds sildītājs: draudzības. tās, kas vecas un pussarūsējušas un labojamas; un tās, kurām derīguma termiņš nekad nebeigsies; un tās, kuras stiepjas dziļāk un tālāk un plašāk par valodu, kultūru, vēsturi, pagātni un nākotni.
***************
When God was telling to Moses to go up on the mountain, He said - go up on the mountain and be there. BE.
Because He knew that as soon as Moses will get up on the mountain, he will start to plan how he is going to get down. So human, isnt it?
I am learning. Learning how to simply BE. Without thinking how I will get further. Without thinking how is it going to be when I am going to be somewhere else. Sometimes it is so challenging to really be in the place and time where you are. Not half-heartedly, but for real. In the mornings and evenings, when you are alone and together with others, while making coffee or brushing your hair (haven't done that for a while), or brushing your teeth, or making chocolate chip cookies for a bunch of people you don't even know, or watching the small penguin-like birds, who are coming back from heir winter holiday to find the same nests they were using last year.
Just BE there. Without thinking what and how and when and why is going to follow.
And sometimes being present matters more than I have ever thought. My physical presence as such. Even if I dont say anything, dont do anything, don't achieve anything or dont produce any kind of crazy good result, my presence can still make difference. Sometimes it might seem that in this skype, MSN, sms, facebook and ryanair age we live in such thing as a place has a very small meaning. But when I was on my 400 people island, a little bit in the middle of ocean, sitting next to a Norwegian lady who, despite our confused "ikke norsk", were telling us about her grandchildren in Norwegian fir half an hour, I realized that could never bring a little peace of joy in her life over the internet or phone.
I could never really hug someone, who's crying, and without saying anything give a paper napkin over the phone or internet.
I could never listen to a story someone is telling, and smile and nod all the time, and say I understand even if I sometimes don't.
I could never be quiet together with someone, and not to say anything, and know that what connects us is beyond words and sentences, and my ability to describe.
There is, there is a great value of your being where you are and when you are and who you are. It is like a secret added value which you can replace with anything else. If it's there, it's there, and if it's not, it's not.
There is no "half of the hart" option, and no midway possible.
I would so like. I would so like to really BE on the mountain.
Music of the month: Glen Hansard & Marketa Irglova
Movie of the month: "Once"
Book of the month (still): Rob Bell "Velvet Elvis"
Video of the month: Rob Bell "Everything is spiritual"
Quote of the month: happiness is only real when shared
Discovery of the month: everywheremag.com
Idea of the month: to get a tatoo on my arm over the summer
Birds of the month: Northatlantic Puffin
WOW of the month: My dad got a jeep! a freakin jeep! oh my.
Heart's heater of the month: friendships. the ones, that are old and a little bit rusty but still repairable; the ones without validity date that could expire; the ones that goes deeper and higher and wider than language, culture, history, past and future.
