vienatne. nevienatne. piecpadsmit + desmit draugi = gjimene. pa istam. vardu trukums galva. jauna es. apjukums un dekonstrukcija. nakotne nekad vel nav shkjitusi tik aizraujosha un iespejama. dalju no bailem es shodien atstaju tur, uz doka. pie laivam, pie okeana. stavot blakus cilvekam, ar kuru ta pa istam sheit nekad nebiju runajusi. un piecu minushu laika atklajot, ka mes abi tik ljoti baidijamies viens no otra un vien otru tik augstu vertejam, ka nemaz nemegjinajam spert pirmos soljus. bailes no atraidijuma var but tik specigas, bet ir brizji, kas tas parcert, un shis riits bija viens no tadiem. ar katru dienu grenlande izskataas daudz tuvaka, aizraujoshaka un draudziigaaka. beidzot, beidzot maniem 2,5 meeneshiem tur ir daudz lielaaka jeega nekaa tikai tas, ka taa ir uuberjauka vieta, uz kuru braukt. es redzu sho vietu kaa trampliinu savai naakotnei. nee, es tur netaisos palikt. bet es ticu, ka shii vieta buus kjiegjeliitis tajaa, ko Dievs no manis grib izveidot, un ka es buushu kjiegjeliitis tajaa, ko Dievs grib izveidot Grenlandee. divvirzienu pasaakums.
manas sirds viena treshdalja jau ir tur.
otra treshdalja jau ir LV.
un treshaa treshdalja ir sheit. un man ir sasodiitas aizdomas, ka taa sheit arii taisaas palikt.
oh, my. lai cik tas banaali un cheasy neizklausiitos, es esmu saakusi atrast sevi. pa iistam. nevis "mierinsh mierinjaa" un "ciku caku pasauliite", bet pa iistam. man vieniigi mazliet biedee tas ilgterminsh. bet taas ir taadas "es-peec-chetraam-dienaamp-braucu-uz-norveegjiju" bailes. no labaa gala.
mishela par visu shito ir staavaa sajuusmaa. godiigi. nekad vinju neesmu redzeejusi tik laimiigu.
jums mishela patiks.
arlabunakti un visu labu.
***************************
solitude. non-solitude. fifteen + ten friends = family. for real. lack of words in my head. a new me. a confusion and deconstrucion. the future has never seemed so exciting and possible. I left part of my fear on the dock today. near the boats, right next to the ocean. standing right next to a person that I hadnt really talked to before. like - really talked to. we have been living in the same building togheter but have never had a real conversation. and this morning we discovered that we have been kind of scared of each other - both putting each other so high which kept us away from getting to know each other. kind of funney, isnt it? fear of rejection can be so strong, but there are moments that cut all that, and this morning was one of them.
every morning greenland seems one step closer, more exciting and friendly. finnally, after 2,5 months my going there makes much more sense apart from "that it is such a cool place to go to". i see my being there as a tramplin for future. not just mine. no, i dont want to stay there. but i do believe, that greenland will be a brick in what God wants to make out of me. and that I will be a brick in what God wants to create in greenland. finnally it seems a two way thing.
one third of my heart is already there.
another third of my heart is in LV.
and the third third of my heart is here. and I am afraid that it wants to stay here.
oh my. as cheasy as it sounds, I have started to find myself. not in a "peace peace" or "cosy losy world" way, but for real. I am a little bit scared of how long-term it seems. but it is one of those "i-am-going-to-norway-in-four-days" fear. the good ones.
mishel it fascinated by what is going on. honestly. I have never seen her so happy.
you will like her :)
good night and good luck.
