Dec 26, 2007

šīs dienas doma/ thought of the day

Kā tas ir - kādu pazīt? Nevis „eu, zini to džeku, kurš man palīdzēja salabot riteni?” pazīt, bet pa īstam, dziļi, personīgi pazīt.

Vai tas ir tad, kad tu zini, ka viņai ir grūti piecelties no rītiem... Un katru reizi viņa tev lūdz viņu pamodināt, un tu zini, ka viņa necelsies – ne pēc pirmās, ne pēc piektās modināšanas reizes. Taču tu vienalga katru reizi mēģini modināt viņu, un smaidi, kad viņa ieritinās savā guļammaisā un saka, ka tūlīt celsies, taču pēc tam noguļ vēl vismaz divas stundas.
Vai tas ir tad, kad tu ar to otru vari sēdēt blakus visu vakaru, neko īpašu nedarot, un pat nerunāt, un vienalga justies kā mājās. Un tev nav pat ne mazākās vēlmes būt kaut kur citur.

Vai tas ir tad, kad jūs, izdzirdot kādu frāzi vai ieraugot kādu priekšmetu, saskatieties un sākat smieties, un smejaties piecpadsmit minūtes no vietas. Kad noteikti vārdi vai kustības ir durvis uz jums vien zināmu pasauli, kuru citi nav veidojuši un citi nevar iznīcināt.

Vai tas ir tad, kad tu kaut ko ieraugi un zini – tam otram tas patiktu tik ļoti. Un tu esi gatavs nebūt šeit, lai tavs draugs to visu redzētu un varētu baudīt kaut daļu tā skaistuma, ko ir lemts redzēt tev.
Vai tas ir tad, kad rozā krāsa ir izplēnējusi, un tās vietā ir parādījušās miljons citas. Kad vilšanās ar katru reizi satriec ar jaunu spēku, bet tas neatņem tavu apņēmību nenorakstīt to otru. Un tu
pieķeries vēl ciešāk un pats sev klusi apsoli, ka turēsies, līdz nomirs tavi pirksti.

Jo tu esi redzējis un baudījis to dziļumu.
Un tev ir bijis ļauts ieraudzīt ko tādu, kas pārējiem sešiem miljardiem uz zemeslodes nekad netiks atklāts.

„Es tevi pazīstu”, Viņš ir teicis simtu trīsdesmit devītajā.
Es vēl līdz galam nezinu, ko tas nozīmē, bet man nav iemesla neticēt.

Tiekamies drīz. Cerams, ka dzīvajā.

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How is it – to know someone? Not in a „hey, do you know that guy who helped me to fix my bike?” way, but to deeply know someone in a very real and personal way?

Is it like knowing that she has a hard time to get up in the mornings...? And every time when she asks you to wake her up you know that she won’t get up - neither after first nor fifth time you call her name. But you try anyway and smile, when she nestles deeper in her sleeping bag and says, that she will wake up in a minute, but keeps on sleeping two more hours.
Is it like being able to sit besides the other person all evening long without doing anything special, without even talking, and still feeling like home. And you don’t have even the smallest desire to be somewhere else.
Is it like catching the moment, when you both hear the same phrase or see the same thing, and start to laugh without saying anything? When certain words or motions are doors to the world that is known by just two of you – world that is not made by others and cannot be destroyed by others as well.
Is it like seeing something and knowing that the other person would love it so much… And it hits you so hard that you would be able to switch places and not to be here just in order to show it to your friend, so he/she could enjoy at least a part of the beauty you were meant to see.
Is it like realizing that the pink color of your friendship is gone, but there are millions of other colors instead. When every disappointment hits you with a new intensity, but it doesn’t take away your determination not to give up on him/her. And you hold on even stronger and promise yourself not to let go.

Because you have seen and enjoyed that depth of the soul.
And you’ve been allowed to see something that most likely no one of those six billion people on this earth will ever be able to see.

„I know you”, He said in the one hundred thirty ninth.
I don’t really know what it means yet, but I have no reason not to believe.

See you soon. Hopefully, eye to eye.